Today I Decide to Accept Failure

Did you ever make a plan that by age so-and-so, you should have achieved this-and-that? I know that I have a journal somewhere (or I may have thrown it away) that states that by age 26, I should already be married with a kid on the way. I imagined myself having a managerial position in one of the top ad agencies in the country. My goal back then was also to have enough money to buy what I want or travel where I want to. Obviously I did not achieve any of that by that age and wasn't even close to doing so. So by the time I turned 26, I was already despairing that I was a total failure and disappointment.

Looking back now that I'm in my late forties, I literally laugh out loud. I want to give the 26-year-old me a big hug and tell her failure is inevitable. I only figured out what I really wanted to do in life when I was in my mid-30s and it wasn’t even in my original plan. Just last year I also had to pivot as I made a life-changing decision and now I'm living a very different life from what I imagined myself doing when I just graduated from college.

The thing is, while it’s good to have a plan, when things don’t go according to schedule, it doesn’t mean that you’re a failure and that you have not achieved anything. Think about all the lessons you have learned and are continually learning from all the detours. Think about the lives you have impacted along the way, in small and big ways. Think about every small and big thing that you've been able to do. Think about if where you are right now is where your talents are best used and where God is most glorified. 

This may sound cliche but it's a cliche for a reason. Failure is always an opportunity for a fresh start, no matter what age or what phase in life you are in.

IF YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING:

Write down where you think you’ll be or what you’ll be doing in five years time. Make a schedule to look back at this “plan” five years from now.

JOURNALING PROMPT:

What unexpected lessons, strength, or clarity did you gain from taking a different route from your original plan?

Today I Decide to Grieve

Have you ever felt weird grieving for someone that you barely know now or barely knew at all or you once knew well or you didn't know at all ? Don't stop yourself from grieving because it is in acknowledging the loss of a human life, no matter how far or near to you, no matter how expected or surprising, no matter how young or old, that we become more connected to each other. Grief is part of what makes us human. We grieve because we are human and we are human because we grieve. 

We grieve for the loved ones that are left behind. We grieve for someone we don't actually know but whose small legacy goes on through the stories of the people we do know. We grieve for vague memories, for unsung songs and unspoken words, for photos that will now always bring a tug to the heart.

We grieve. Life will go on. But allow yourself to grieve. 

IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING:

Write down all the things you can remember about the person you’re grieving for right now.

JOURNALING PROMPT

What are things that you want people to do for you to help you grieve? Do you find it easy to ask for these things?

Today I Decide To Figure Things Out

When I used to commute for work, I would see all of these provincial buses passing by and I oftentimes had this impulse to get on a bus to somewhere I’ve never been to and to never come back. Whenever I would get this urge, I realized it was a sign that I was unhappy with my current situation. I would end up either resigning from my current job or obsessing over something else to distract me from my circumstances. 

As I grew older, I realized these were just other forms of escapism. I may not have actually gotten on that bus but I was still trying to get away instead of trying to figure out why I was unhappy or dissatisfied. So if you have that desire to disappear or escape, sit down with yourself or with someone wiser and try to figure out what it is that’s the underlying issue in your heart. Sometimes it may end up that you have to do something drastic like move to another place but oftentimes, it may involve something as simple as changing something in your life. 

Figuring things out is not always easy as it forces you to ask difficult questions and maybe make tough decisions. It's not always easy and will not take a few hours. It may take days, weeks, even months. Or maybe even longer. The important thing is to name the issue why you want to be anywhere but here and then slowly figure out what steps you have to take next.

IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING

If you don’t know what it is that’s making you antsy, have coffee with someone you can talk things out with.

JOURNALING PROMPT

If you could be anywhere but where you are now, where would you go? Why do you think you want to go there?

What to do when you need to figure it out:

1. Write down all the questions that are churning in your brain.

2. List down the pros and cons and score each item based on importance.

3. 10/10/10 Rule

• How will you feel about the choice in 10 minutes?

• How will you feel about it in 10 months

• How will it impact your life in 10 years?

4. Write down the small steps you'll need to take for each decision.

5. "Research" about people who've made the same decision or taken that step.

6. Talk it out with someone

• who can just listen

• who can give you practical advice

• who can be a devil's advocate

7. Spend time in prayer (if you're the praying kind)

Today I Decide To Drop the Phone

Because I worked in digital marketing for more than 15 years, I sometimes make it an excuse to scroll continuously on various apps until the wee hours of the morning under the guise of “research”. I said I couldn't really turn off social media because it's my actual work, even though a lot of times whatever I was scrolling through isn't really work-related. During the pandemic and even afterwards though, I’ve made it a habit of doom-scrolling until I cry or reach the brink of giving up on my country, the world, and life in general. Even when things got back to "normal" or whatever it is we have now, my phone seems to be attached to my hand and I had a hard time putting it down. Now I can't stop watching vertical dramas, going through recipes that I may never try, and reading all about the latest k-land gossip and issues.

Obviously, this never-ending scrolling keeps me up at night and does not help keep my anxiety at bay. And when it turns into doomscrolling or reading and watching all the things that are wrong with this broken world, it adds to this feeling of helplessness and hopelessness I sometimes feel. I would like to say that now that my work isn't connected to social media, it's easier to put the phone down. Well, I wish I could say that but the truth is, it isn't really. So it means that this scrolling addiction wasn't really about my job. It was really more about a habit that I've developed and this incessant need to know everything, even if it doesn't help my sleep and my mental health.

I've been doing some practical things to help me put my phone down every once in a while, especially at night. When I go outside, I bring an "analog kit" with me, which is really mostly just my journaling stuff and a book or two. There are times during the day when I keep my phone away from me so I would resist the urge to give in and scroll a few hours away. And at night, I try to put a hard stop on my scrolling and put the phone far away to keep the temptation to pick it up again when my mind wanders and my eyes don't want to close.

Scrolling and doomscrolling is probably something that most of us will always do. But it should not take over our lives and reaching for our phones should not be automatic. So maybe have a few hours or even a whole day away from your phone and see what magical things happen.

IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING:

Create your own "analog kit" that you can bring outside with you so you can stop just scrolling through your phone when you're not doing anything. You can put a notebook, pens, journaling stuff, a book, a crossword puzzle, a coloring book, a sketchpad, etc

JOURNALING PROMPT:

What are things that can make you stop scrolling on your phone? List them down and refer to them every once in a while so you develop a habit of not picking up your phone.

How to Scroll Less

1. Move social apps off your home screen

2. Set phone-free times for meals and bedtime

3. Keep your phone out of reach while working

4. Replace one scroll break with a short walk

5. Bring an “analog kit” with you and reach for it often

Today I Decide To Admit I'm Not Ok

I grew up in an era where you always had to pretend to be okay even if you weren't. You had to answer "I'm great" when people ask how you are even though you felt like crumbling inside. You had to smile when hanging out with friends or else they would look at you strangely or ignore you. You had to say "Praise God" or "Thank you Lord" in church even though your faith was teetering on the edge. We all had to put on masks and pretend that everything was okay because we were not ready for an honest conversation. Or we didn't want to be judged that there was something wrong with you or that our faith wasn't enough.

The world eventually realized though that we weren't really all okay and no matter how much we pretended, things would eventually come out. We also realized that there’s a certain beauty to being vulnerable enough to admit that “I’m not okay”. Everyone is just scared and messed up deep inside. Everyone was going through complicated things and no one really has it all together. Everyone cannot really be okay every day. There are times when you're feeling low, you can't bring yourself to smile or even talk, or you just want to say, "No, I'm not" when someone asks if you're okay.

It’s in admitting that things are not okay and that you don’t know when you'll be okay that we become truly human. It's in recognizing that there's something wrong that we can slowly face these "monsters" and deal with them. It’s in acknowledging our vulnerabilities to trusted people that we are able to let them into our life and that in turn, they can also learn to let us in too. We are all just trying to be okay but it's also okay to say that we're not okay.

IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING:

Choose a person that you can be vulnerable with and say out loud “I’m not okay”. 

JOURNALING PROMPT

What are the things in your life right now that you can honestly say are not okay?